As for Wade and me, we had a busy 1-year-old on our hands and, given the difficulty we had conceiving him, we had just tiptoed into that gray area of trying-by-way-of-not-preventing. We had hoped that the sooner we started trying, the less trouble we might have getting pregnant... but we were also terrified of beating Amanda and Brian to the punch. At the time, we had no idea that we would only be in that gray area for a very short amount of time, that we would find out we were pregnant the very next month... only to experience loss the month after that.
Here we are a year later, and I cannot get over how much life has changed in 12 short months! We are trading pictures of babies and sonograms. We are swapping stories of how our children make us laugh and simultaneously want to pull all of our hair out (one strand at a time) (ok, so that one's mostly me). We each are daydreaming of sleeping in and going to the grocery store by ourselves. We are finally "doing" motherhood together, just as we have always wanted to do.
Yes, life is so much sweeter for both of us right now, but I know that neither of us will ever forget what we went through to get to these points. At times along the way, it has felt really unfair that both of us had to deal with such heartache on our journeys to become parents. Why not just one of us? But it seems to me that God planned it this way for a couple of reasons: 1. so we could lean on each other and really understand what the other was going through, and 2. so we could reach a wider audience of people who might be going through something similar. Two are better than one, right?
Our lives are far from perfect, and none of this is to say that we won't fall on hard times again, but I do hope that our stories over the past few years will serve as encouragement to anyone out there that might be struggling as they are waiting on God's timing in their lives. And I also want to leave you with some lyrics from the song "Never Once" by Matt Redman that really sums up how I'm feeling as I think back on the last year...
Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we've come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us
Kneeling on this battleground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Was your power in us
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did you leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, you are faithful